Do you have some change?

Oh yes, and plenty of it. It seems that everything is changing in my life at the moment. Which is good, in a lot of ways. Change is refreshing, renewing and challenging. And scary, sometimes. I haven't had any panic attacks about it yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were some lined up in the next few months. But that's ok. I can deal with it. You can hit me literally with anything (although preferably not with a fish in my face, thanks) and even if it knocks me out, I will get up again and soldier on. Sounds great, doesn't it? Such a strong girl. Yeah, kind of, but I forgot to say that I will also shed a tear and more than likely have a panic attack at night at some stage, maybe a few moments of emptiness and most definitely a few what-the-hell-did-I-do-that for's. But again, that's cool. There is no bitterness in the land of Bettina.

If you are interested in a little overview of the recent and upcoming changes in the life of yours truly, read on:

- I have just finished my degree after four and a half years. Yay for me!
- The business I have worked in for the last three years and a bit (and full time for more than a year) has just been sold and our jobs are all finished by the end of the year.
- I have applied for Australian citizenship, which I should hopefully get by January or February next year.
- I have just committed to a relationship again a few weeks ago, for the first time after quite a long time of refusing to acknowledge relationships and insisting the men involved were just "guys I was seeing" rather than boyfriends. Which I am not proud of, by the way. I was "seeing" a guy for ten months at one stage without allowing him to call me his girlfriend.
- One of the best friends I've ever had, the beautiful Paulinha, has left the country a couple of weeks ago to return to her hometown in Brazil, after many years away. Paula and me lived together for three years in four different places and we used to also study and work together for a while. We used to say that we were twins mixed up at birth and placed into different countries (and years.... yes I know, this theory doesn't work. Leave me alone.)
- At least six other good friends have recently left Australia or are seriously considering it.
- I am planning to move back to Europe for a while in about March next year, after having lived abroad on and off for more than nine years (with a couple of stints back home in between). Definitely Switzerland first, and then we'll see.
- I cut my hair off after having long hair for many years.

Anything else? No, I'm not pregnant. But apart from that, I think I've got all the major areas of my life covered: work, tick, study, tick, love, tick, friends, tick, appearance, tick, country of residence, tick, country of citizenship, tick. Considering this rather impressive list, it's quite surprising that I'm not very freaked out. Yet.

My very wise mother used to say that in order to start something new, something old needs to go first. There is unavoidably always a gap in between the old and the new, a hole, which is what can make us feel empty and a bit lost. But the hole needs to be opened up to create space for a new beginning- nothing new will find space if the old hasn't been removed first. Such a wise woman, my dear mum. She's got it all worked out.

And considering this has been all about change and considering we are getting a bit deep and meaningful now, I would like to step it up a notch and close with an English translation of one of my favourite poems by Herman Hesse, called "Stufen" (Steps) in German. So if this is getting too deep for you, run now. Otherwise, enjoy:

Steps
As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
So every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in its day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
Be ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.
Serenely let us move to distant places
And let no sentiments of home detain us.
The Cosmic Spirit seeks not to restrain us
But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces.
If we accept a home of our own making,
Familiar habit makes for indolence.
We must prepare for parting and leave-taking
Or else remain the slaves of permanence.
Even the hour of our death may send
Us speeding on to fresh and newer spaces,
And life may summon us to newer races.
So be it, heart: bid farewell without end.