Just another day in the life of a blessed child

Friday, December 05, 2008

Wanna fight?

I just went grocery shopping at my local supermarket and there was this pretty odd looking couple in front of me at the check-out. Actually, she wasn't odd looking, she was just normal looking, but he was this mean looking, really tall, fairly big butch guy, maybe about fifty. He had long wavy hair and a weird cap, baggy tracksuit pants and a leather jacket and looked kind of scary. I got this strange vibe from him straight away, but was telling myself not to be so judgemental. Maybe he was just a scary looking guy, but had a good heart. You never know.

Before I could finish thinking that thought, a fight breaks out. The woman just asked a normal question, something like, "So should I just pay this part by cash then and you put the rest on your card?", which apparently was too much for him. He started screaming at her, something along the lines of, "What the fuck! I fucking told you how we do it, we don't do it like that, we fucking do it like this!" He then proceeded to push her to the side, not much, but enough that she bumped into the cash register behind her. Then he loaded the groceries onto the conveyor belt, throwing each item on there like a maniac, scaring the check-out lady and a few people around.

His vibe made me almost physically sick and I was so close to saying something, but in the end decided not to. I'm usually the kind of person who will say something, but he really was super scary and while I didn't think he would have hit me, I had a feeling that if I'd said something, he might get even angrier and later take it out on the woman. But then I couldn't stop thinking about it, wondering if I'd done the right thing. I think in any case, if there is actual violence involved, say, if he had hit her, then people around have a responsibility to not just watch and do nothing. But sometimes words can be just as violent. And it does make me wonder why a woman would stay with a guy like that. What would you have done?

14 Comments:

Blogger Larry said...

It is hard to answer your question. Unless I am in the situation, see what you saw and heard what you heard, I can't honestly tell you how I would have reacted. The funny thing is that any reaction is an honest reaction. Although we have a certain level of responsibility toward other people, we all have boundaries too. The boundaries are different for everyone. You may have put yourself in danger or that poor woman in more danger than she already was, by acting any differently.

I probably would have reacted to the pushing, though. I am extremely relaxed and laid back, but I have a really bad temper when it comes to certain things. And a man shouldn't get physical with a woman unless (a)it is in self defence and said woman is going to hurt the man if he doesn't defend himself, or (b) it is in a playful way and it is consensual. When I lose my temper I don't care how big and scary someone is. I would have at the very least verbally assaulted the man.

December 6, 2008 at 4:09 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, me - I very rarely can keep my mouth shut in those situations. I would have called him a big fat bully to his face and told him to chill or I'd call the cops on him. Then I would give the lady advice to get shot of the creep curdling her life and get to women's refuge as soon as she leaves said shop.
That would prolly score me a couple of black eyes - but its just sooo worth telling these creeps what to do with themselves. Short of all that - and some women are so brow beaten they would turn on you and defend the a/hole anyway - I would use a cattle prod.
I think I've mentioned before that nutters, slow people, the bewildered and disorganised need helping along with one of those items. I still cannot understand why the police won't let me carry a handy purse size one in my handbag. Life is not fair!!!

December 6, 2008 at 5:47 AM

 
Blogger Euromark said...

In Germany, at least, you have to be very careful what you say or do - that could be interpreted as Selbstjustiz - vigilanty justice, which could make you be the one violating the law. But I would tell the lady I would be happy to call the police to protect her from physical or psychological violence.

December 6, 2008 at 7:49 PM

 
Blogger Zee said...

Distraction, low tone conversation without making the villain more upset... that would be my approach

December 7, 2008 at 4:08 AM

 
Blogger Chris said...

Well pushing is an assualt at least in the U.S. so calling the cops would have been appropriate.

December 7, 2008 at 4:57 PM

 
Blogger Bettina said...

Larry- I know, it is very hard to say how you would actually react, unless you were there. Even when you were- it was really more the feeling of it that was agressive, the push was really only very minor. But wrong nevertheless. It was just one of those borderline-situations that just give you a weird feeling, but you barely have enough in your hands to prove he actually assaulted her or anything.

Aggs- Well, with Aggs with her gun in her purse, I will make sure never to push anyone when she's around then!

EM- That's a good approach too. I think the problem often is that these ladies know they shouldn't stay with men like that- and have probably been told countless times before. I just wish they would look after themselves better and not let anyone treat them like shit.

Zee- A peaceful way to solve the problem- I like that.

Chris- Well, the thing was, he didn't really push-push her. He just kind of walked past her really fast and bumped a bit into her. It's not like he pushed her with his hands so she fell or anything. It really was one of those situations where you just get the impression, something is very wrong in this relationship, but you don't really have enough to actually prove it.

December 7, 2008 at 11:16 PM

 
Blogger Leon1234 said...

That is crazy!

December 9, 2008 at 4:13 PM

 
Blogger MYSTIC said...

A person who has been abused for a long time is not capable of protecting herself. Most people would not intervene unless someone else started the action. The advice of calling the police is probably the safest unless time would not permit it.

December 10, 2008 at 3:17 AM

 
Blogger Avshar said...

Under the description of the situation i don't think i could justify doing anything about it other than maybe telling the guy to cool it since he was upsetting so many people. If however he had actually pushed her or in any way physically attacked her i would be obligated to intervene. I will not stand by while a man is assaulting a woman even by just pushing her. Even if she herself didn't want the help i would still do something. People like that make me sick so i could in no way tolerate it. calling the police is a good idea for sure but i would also still confront the guy. Those types are usually cowards anyway.

December 10, 2008 at 3:40 AM

 
Blogger ysfb said...

Wow, whatever happend to the kind heart? Now if I was put in that situation, I'll just sit back and see what turns out. Somebody making an ass out of themselves in front of people always puts a smile on my face. I would've stepped in when he laid a hand on her. Depending on the size I'd probably push him down. Just enough so that he's on the ground and for me to have ample time to run away.

December 10, 2008 at 3:10 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i wouldn't have said anything.
i would have followed them out to their car, but at a respectfully safe distance, to be sure she was alright.
if he did it again, hit her, i'd have gotten my cellphone and called the police.

December 11, 2008 at 11:51 AM

 
Blogger Zee said...

You don't really know Switzerland Sera, do you?

December 11, 2008 at 11:56 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would have pitied the entire situation.

I'd like to say I'd have muttered something under my breath like, "What a horrible way to behave".

But I'm sure I'd gawk with a shocked embarrassed look to myself.

I'm very bad with awkward situations.

December 13, 2008 at 5:31 AM

 
Blogger Unknown said...

What a dick!

December 13, 2008 at 9:03 AM

 

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