It's not all about bigger breasts

We had this quite lengthy and rather heated discussion the other day about whether material possessions can make you happy. I know that's a question probably nearly as old as humankind itself, but it's funny how it never fails to get everyone all worked
up about it.

The thing is, I think the varying opinions don't actually differ from each other in their core as much as they might appear to, as a lot of it is just about how you word it. I tend to find that a lot, that two people say something similar, but wrap it into different words and then fight each other about it, without realising they are both somehow on the same boat. One person is for God, the other for Allah- same thing. One person wants love, one wants power- it all comes down to personal confirmation.

But anyway, to get back to the material possession thing. It acutally started off with a discussion about plastic surgery, which belongs into the same family of discussions. Can plastic surgery make you happier? Personally, I doubt it. But then I might have a bit of a more elaborate definition of happiness. I think there are many levels of happiness- there is short-term happiness, superficial happiness and fake happiness, which feel almost like the real thing, at least for a while. As for those, yeah sure, plastic surgery can do all of that. As for a deep fullfilled happiness that touches your soul and makes you feel whole and at complete peace- I don't think so.

We're not talking about medically necessary operations, by the way, or someone who has a totally crooked nose. We are talking about little visual imperfections, the kind we all have. Say, for example, a girl would like to have bigger breasts. She finds herself unattractive und undesirable with small breasts and thinks that's what ruins her life. Now I believe on a superficial level, bigger breast can make her feel better. But will they really make that hole in the soul disappear, which made her feel unconfident and unattractive in the first place? Will they make the loneliness go away? Will they solve her problems and really and truly fullfill her? I don't think so. Maybe the girl will even attact more men than before, but are they really the kind of men she needs? Men that are now suddenly attracted to her just because she has bigger breasts and wouldn't have been attracted to her otherwise?

It's an endless disussion. Paula argued that most people would never think that far- they would just look into the mirror, go "I don't like my breasts, I'll get them changed" and then look into the mirror again the next day, thinking "I like my breasts now, I am happy". I kind of take this as meaning that people who have a low emotional intelligence and are not aware of nuances of their feelings can be satisfied by a superficial stimulation, whereas people who cannot be fooled as easily would need the real thing to feel truly happy. I guess that's debatable again.

It's the same with material possessions. Take for example my new scooter (yes, I've got a new scooter! And I apologise for not having posted a picture here yet, I promise it's coming up soon). As I've travelled around and lived all over the shop for the last seven years, I have never actually owned a car, so the scooter is the first ever motor vehicle that I own myself. It is of outstanding beauty, if I may say so myself, snazzy and sexy and fast. It's red- the red ones are the fastest ones (didn't you know that?). But I'm getting carried away here. My point was, sure, the scooter makes me happy- on a certain level. It makes me feel ecstatic when I drive it, I often feel like singing when I scoot around and usually have this huge grin on my face. When I turn around the corner and see it standing there waiting for me, so loyal and cute and all mine, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. You can see, I really love my scooter. But essentially, it doesn't make me happy on a deeper level. When I park it in the garage and take the lift upstairs and sit on the balcony smoking a cigarette, I still cry when I feel empty and I still have the same problems I had before. And I'm sure I would still have the same problems even if I also had bigger breasts. It takes a bit more than that.

Choose wisely my child, your life is in your hands

I'm thinking it's about time for a bit of a more uplifting tone in here again. For God's sake, we don't want to loose the only three readers we have, now do we? So be happy, Bettina, it's not that hard! Now, can I see a bit of a smile coming up there? Good, that's much better.

We tend to take ourselves awefully serious I find. That of course includes my humble self. And I actually think it's a very natural thing, considering we are inside ourselves all the time, it's hard to escape our own rambling thoughts sometimes. We can't really focus on other things as long as our minds won't shut up. But you can train the mind and there's all kinds of tricks. Only usually you can't think of them when you're feeling all down. But as soon as we start to get it together again, at least partially, we should remember how volatile a thing our beautiful mind is. I argue that it cannot clearly distinguish between real and created emotions. Meaning, whether we are genuinely happy or we pretend we are and display all the common features of happiness, it has a similar effect on our mind. The trick is to get it thinking we are happy and then take it from there. Most of the time, the real happiness will soon follow suit as freedom and clarity replace the heavy moments of darkness. Of course it also works the other way around. People who tend to see themselves as unlucky and depressed will no doubt actually become unlucky and depressed. Being sad is often a choice, as much as being happy is. I think it's all in our hands.

Today, I choose to be balanced, with a bit of calm happiness. It's going well so far.

On joy and sorrow

I'm feeling incredibly sad today but I won't let the bitterness in. A beautiful person has left my life and it hurts a lot. But I think sadness as such is not a bad thing as long as it doesn't feel suffercating. We need the sadness to balance the happiness. Like a tree in winter that sheds its leaves and goes inside itself, quietly, sadly and peacefully, we need time to restore and gather energy sometimes before we can put our energy into growing leaves and touching the outside world again. Kahlil Gibran, who was written my favourite book of all times, "The Prophet", always comforts me with his wise and beautiful words. This is what he says about joy and sorrow.

On Joy & Sorrow

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.