Crying at airports is the new black

It's a funny thing with airports. I don't know if other people feel like that too or if I'm just a bit of a freak (you can tell me, I can take it. No, seriously.), but airports make me very emotional. I do obviously realise that the fact that airports are often the location where I have to say good-bye to someone might have something to do with it. But there must be something else. I find it very easy to cry at airports, God knows why. It's just all so sad and beautiful, like the essence of life concentrated and transformed into one big metaphor of pathways crossing, new starts, endings, love, longing, loss and all that. (I'm not kidding here, by the way, and you're more than welcome to take me seriously. I just feel like I'm coming accross all soppy and sentimental, but maybe that's just the way I am. A freak and a soppy one at that- promising combination.)

Anyway. I had to say good-bye to my mum at the airport a couple of days ago after she spent a month with me in Australia and was flying back to Europe. I'm sure you can already guess what happened. That's right, I cried like a baby. The funny thing is though, I'm completely unashamed of it. I feel like I've got the bloody right to cry at airports, if not to say the obligation. I walked to the lifts sobbing and with puffy red eyes and didn't give a damn about it. Showing emotion is cool, I say. Crying at the airport is the new black.
When I stepped into the lift, I did feel a little bit self-conscious though. Walking through the airport defiantly with tears in your eyes is ok, but being in a small confined space with a stranger while you do the sob thing is not quite as cool. Luckily, I found myself with a lady about my mum's age who sobbed a lot more than me. There was something quite comical about the situation and I almost felt like laughing. I sent her a little smile. "Hate saying good-bye." She looked at me and said: "Me too." It turned out she had just said good-bye to her husband who went to Dublin for a month. We walked to the carpark together with our puffy eyes and spoke a bit about the meaning of life. Once you cry together, you don't need to waste time doing small-talk. I got into the car and felt really alive. It's a good feeling to have people in your life that you care about enough that their departure makes you cry.

Yeah, you don't need to tell me that's kind of soppy. I know.

Should I stay or should I go

I know. It's about time for an update. I do know. And I could start babbling on about hectic schedules and exams and having been crazy busy and it would all be true, but- hands up who does not want to hear it! That makes two of us already.

Anyway. I'm in a bit of a crisis at the moment, but in a good way- as far as that's possible. Times of change are always also times of opportunity, but I guess the freedom of too many opportunities can at the same time be limiting. Choice is wonderful, but crossways also make us hesitate and worry- sometimes less choice is easier.

My friend Paula and me always have this discussion about whether life would be easier if we'd never left home. She usually starts talking about it when she feels a bit lost and then wonders if she wouldn't be just as happy or happier at home, having never seen the world, but also not knowing what it's like. I can see where she's coming from, but I need to disagree. Not only in terms of travelling and living abroad, but also in terms of generally exposing yourself to risk -and life!- and ups and downs, I have always been an advocate of living life fearlessly and fully. I believe, in the end, it's always worthwhile trading in steady mediocracy for higher ups and lower downs. Everything in life is a risk and everything can and does hurt. But everything also has the potential to be beautiful for those who are ready to see the beauty. I think there's nothing wrong with staying in the same place and being content while not knowing how beautiful, amazing and sad the world out there is- there is no right or wrong way. But having opened that door once and let the world in, we cannot close it anymore. Knowledge cannot be undone. Now we're exposed to the world and have more choice, which can be painful- but it's good too. I wouldn't want it any other way.

I've been thinking a lot about these things lately. About how important geographical closeness is to your family and old friends and if you should trade some of the adventure in for it, or if keeping the closeness in your heart can be enough. Basically, if I should stay or go. I'm walking towards the crossroad, once again, and I'm not sure yet which way I'm going to take. I tend to believe though that there is no wrong decision- every way can be made right. Sounds easier than it is.