Smokin' a whole lotta nothing

That's me smoking a pencil. They're not bad actually, you know. A bit boring maybe, but then again, they're quite healthy, I hear. As long as you don't eat them of course. It's the only thing I've been smoking for the last seven weeks.

And now would be a good time for a little round of applause.

Now I know I shouldn't be saying this. I should say how fantastic I feel and that I'm so much fitter and happier and all that. But to be quite honest, I don't feel much different at all. Alright, it's only been seven weeks, but the problem is most likely that I felt good before. And I feel good now. Not that this is really a problem, it's obviously good to feel good. But I need some more motivation. I feel like something is missing from my life but it hasn't been replaced with anything else. Some people tell me to eat chocolate or chew gum instead, but come on. How dumb do you think I am? Smoking was a little ritual for me, eating gum hardly is. And as much as I like chocolate, it makes you fat if you have it all the time. And while before I could go and have a smoking break from studying, I don't feel like just going to sit there for five minutes and chew on a friggin' piece of gum.

So to all you good and righteous people out there, please tell me how it is. Please set me straight and tell me how evil smoking is and that it makes people unattractive and rotten from the inside and that their lungs melt and then they die a slow painful death. Tell me stuff like that, stuff that will really gross me out and keep me going.

Probably the one thing I have started to notice now though is that a lot of smokers stink. And I don't. I love that. When my friend Dan gets into the car after smoking a cigarette it's like an ashtray enters the car. I didn't use to notice that much before.

But yeah, apart from that, I haven't really noticed an improvement in my life. The fact that I quite ironically also have a really bad cough at the moment probably doesn't help either.

So I beg you my friends. Help me out here, tell me how disgraceful, pathetic and disgusting smoking is. But do it well please, I don't buy cheap propaganda.