Do you have some change?

Oh yes, and plenty of it. It seems that everything is changing in my life at the moment. Which is good, in a lot of ways. Change is refreshing, renewing and challenging. And scary, sometimes. I haven't had any panic attacks about it yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were some lined up in the next few months. But that's ok. I can deal with it. You can hit me literally with anything (although preferably not with a fish in my face, thanks) and even if it knocks me out, I will get up again and soldier on. Sounds great, doesn't it? Such a strong girl. Yeah, kind of, but I forgot to say that I will also shed a tear and more than likely have a panic attack at night at some stage, maybe a few moments of emptiness and most definitely a few what-the-hell-did-I-do-that for's. But again, that's cool. There is no bitterness in the land of Bettina.

If you are interested in a little overview of the recent and upcoming changes in the life of yours truly, read on:

- I have just finished my degree after four and a half years. Yay for me!
- The business I have worked in for the last three years and a bit (and full time for more than a year) has just been sold and our jobs are all finished by the end of the year.
- I have applied for Australian citizenship, which I should hopefully get by January or February next year.
- I have just committed to a relationship again a few weeks ago, for the first time after quite a long time of refusing to acknowledge relationships and insisting the men involved were just "guys I was seeing" rather than boyfriends. Which I am not proud of, by the way. I was "seeing" a guy for ten months at one stage without allowing him to call me his girlfriend.
- One of the best friends I've ever had, the beautiful Paulinha, has left the country a couple of weeks ago to return to her hometown in Brazil, after many years away. Paula and me lived together for three years in four different places and we used to also study and work together for a while. We used to say that we were twins mixed up at birth and placed into different countries (and years.... yes I know, this theory doesn't work. Leave me alone.)
- At least six other good friends have recently left Australia or are seriously considering it.
- I am planning to move back to Europe for a while in about March next year, after having lived abroad on and off for more than nine years (with a couple of stints back home in between). Definitely Switzerland first, and then we'll see.
- I cut my hair off after having long hair for many years.

Anything else? No, I'm not pregnant. But apart from that, I think I've got all the major areas of my life covered: work, tick, study, tick, love, tick, friends, tick, appearance, tick, country of residence, tick, country of citizenship, tick. Considering this rather impressive list, it's quite surprising that I'm not very freaked out. Yet.

My very wise mother used to say that in order to start something new, something old needs to go first. There is unavoidably always a gap in between the old and the new, a hole, which is what can make us feel empty and a bit lost. But the hole needs to be opened up to create space for a new beginning- nothing new will find space if the old hasn't been removed first. Such a wise woman, my dear mum. She's got it all worked out.

And considering this has been all about change and considering we are getting a bit deep and meaningful now, I would like to step it up a notch and close with an English translation of one of my favourite poems by Herman Hesse, called "Stufen" (Steps) in German. So if this is getting too deep for you, run now. Otherwise, enjoy:

Steps
As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
So every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in its day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
Be ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.
Serenely let us move to distant places
And let no sentiments of home detain us.
The Cosmic Spirit seeks not to restrain us
But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces.
If we accept a home of our own making,
Familiar habit makes for indolence.
We must prepare for parting and leave-taking
Or else remain the slaves of permanence.
Even the hour of our death may send
Us speeding on to fresh and newer spaces,
And life may summon us to newer races.
So be it, heart: bid farewell without end.

From Kamtchatka to Cape Town with one toe longer than the other

Seraphine has tagged me. I used to find the tagging thing a bit strange but I'm happy to comply because Sera is so cool. The rules are: I must list one fact that is somehow relevant to my life for each letter of my middle name. My middle name is Maria, so here we go:

M is for My second toe is longer than my first one. I've got a couple of friends who think this is some kind of a birth defect and makes me a freak. I'll happily admit that I'm a freak, but for entirely different reasons. I had a few arguments with those friends about whether God intended for the second toe to be longer (which clearly he did). So I was obviously delighted when I read that Manolo Blahnik, who undoubtetly is the king of shoes (if not the God of shoes) and would know better than unqualified sillies like my friends, said that in his humble opinion, the second toe should be slightly longer than the big one. Which proves once again that I'm simply always right. So stop arguing with me, kids.

A is for Around the world. I consider myself a citizen of the world and I'm grateful for it. I love travelling and living in different countries and I love meeting people from all over the world. I miss my family and old friends like hell sometimes but I believe that the distance from one heart to another is more important than the geographical distance. Travelling is possibly the coolest thing ever invented. On my next few trips I want to travel accross Mongolia on horse back (ok, pony back), I want to see Georgia and Armenia and I would love to travel down to the tip of the Russian peninsula of Kamchatka plus I always wanted to do a trip from Marocco all the way down to Cape Town. Mhhh... so much to see. Maybe I should attempt to become a travel writer after all, so I can get paid to travel. (Fantastic idea- bet nobody else has thought of that one yet.)

R is for Ready to Rock n' Roll. Which is relevant to my life because I'm always ready to rock n' roll and consider it an important virtue. I love a good boogie and will dance even if I'm the only one in the whole night club. I'm over propertionately proud of the fact that nine out of ten times I'm the last one standing on the dance floor. I can almost not be danced off the floor, unless I have a really bad day or have lost a leg or something.

I is for Insanity is better than dullness. I don't dig boring people. And by boring I don't mean quiet or introverted. By boring I mean people who have no opinions and no passions. People like that bore the living daylight out of me. What makes a person interesting and attractive to me is when they like who they are, have an opinion of their own and embrace their own uniqueness. I love hearing someone talk about their passion and see their eyes light up- even if it's something weird like collecting miniature cats or being a fan of Ricky Martin. I like people who have peace in themselves and dare to be different without having to rub it in. And just to clarify, I use the term insanity very loosley here. I mean a touch of craziness rather than serial killer insanity. I don't dig that.

A is for Anybody can be happy if they choose to. Yeah, don't think you get out of here so easily without a dose of Bettina wisdom! So sit down and get a load of my insightful thoughts. I actually get in trouble for this one a lot by people who choose to be miserable because it pisses them off when I say that most pain and misery is selfinflicted. I do believe this, although I'm not saying you choose to have darkness enter your life. But when it does, there are different ways to deal with it. And the more you believe that you are cursed and that bad things always happen to you, the more they will. Your brain gets used to a certain way of thinking and a peaceful, optimistic person will be more likely to have good things happen to them. Ok, now all the negative people can come out and shoot me and tell me that obviously nothing bad has ever happened to me. Not true though. I just choose to be happy anyway.

You have to admit I gave that tag a serious run for its money. The rules request that I tag more people but because I'm a little rule breaker, I won't.

Have a happy day everyone. If you choose to.

The new Bettina

Well, my friends, I think I killed that last exam. It seemed so easy that I was wondering if they might have made a mistake. I did all there was to do, took a quick look around the room and decided that my job had been done. So I got up and left the room and went and cut off my hair. And sang on the scooter on my way there. Oh the relief! It was all so amazing. Now I've got a degree (well not quite yet, but let's not get too technical) as a journalist and a new haircut. I'm pretty damn happy. And that's an understatement.

Please feel free to send presents.

Straight from the horse's mouth

I know, I know. I shouldn't be blogging. I should be studying. Here's my hand; you can slap it. It won't help much though because the problem is that I enjoy blogging particularly when I should be doing something else. It's my second last night before the last exam and I haven't studied much yet. Procrastination is so much more fun. Besides, Homer Simpson made a valid point about learning:

"How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

I wouldn't want that to happen to me. Having said that though... the home winemaking course sounds tempting.