I feel fine, God damn it!

Do you ever get days where you feel great until everyone asks you whether you are alright, after which you suddenly start to feel bad? I had one of those today. I had more sleep last night than I have had for a long time and came into work feeling great. On top of that, I thought my hair looked particularly good when I left home and I strode into the office happily, ready to take on a big day. My boss was already there, which is highly unusual- he usually gets in about 10am. He was on the phone when I walked in and nodded at me- he looked a bit stressed. I gave a wave and a smile. When he got off he phone, he asked me a question before even saying hi and then looked at me with what I felt was an accusing look and said, "are you ok?" To which I answered, slightly irritated, "yes- why?"- "Oh, just asking."

After that, I already didn't feel quite as chirpy anymore. I went upstairs to make myself a coffee and walked past Ben, the cleaner. "Morning Ben. How are you?"- "Good, thanks. Ahem... are you alright? You look really tired." I started to get annoyed. "I'm fine," I said, now feeling grumpy. "It's only Tuesday," Ben added. "You can't be that tired already on Tuesday." I took a deep breath. "Thanks Ben. I felt fine before everyone started to point out that I look like shit."

After that, I had to go to the bathroom to check whether I really looked that bad. Well, I looked grumpier than before, that's for sure. And there was a little dark shadow under my eyes that I hadn't seen before. Damn you people and your stupid self-fulfilling prophecies.

How not to apply for a job

When work gets hectic, it is often the little laughs that get us through the day. Quite unfortunately really, one of the things that surprisingly often make me laugh is job applications. It is amazing how many people apply for jobs with resumes and application letters that look like they've been put through the Google translator. Because I'm a bit of a language nazi and find pleasure in other people's mistakes (yes, I know, I'm evil), I started collecting some of the funny excerpts from resumes. And because I'm sure you can all do with a little laugh, and in the hope that your sense of humour is at least partly as twisted as mine, I'm pleased to share this little list of "How not to apply for a job" with you:

Opening Statements
I’m a reliable person, unless I’m working at my other job.
I am possible to work anytime.
I am a hard worker. I've tried to work all the time.
I have very good altitude.
I can work in any position.
I am friendly and well manured.
I have no experience in the workplace.
I am hard working, punctual, dedicated and attitude. I hope an answer.
Position applying for: staff
So, if you train me being patient, then I will work for your company with strong passion.
If you give me a chance to work for you I will do my best whatever these are very hard.
If you choice my resume, when I will my best.
It is never too old to learn, so I think that people should have the various learning all the time.
I am enterprising, I have excellent relationship and potential for obtain goal.
By my grand moral qualities I consider myself and able candidate for answer with quality to yours expectations.
I love my job and I'm very serious.
Thanks for spending the time on my resume. I am looking for your response.





Objectives
To utilize my skills and abilities to adapt too many working conditions.
I want to experience everything.

Skills and tasks accomplished
Helping Out with Dish Person
Body piercing
Smoke orders
Suggestive selling
Help Children to bowl and get involved
Caring to cliental who have passed out
Up-selling wet and dry products
Excellent food prepare skills- Excellent communicate skills- Excellent compuuter skills
I have experience in an office environment with answer phones, typing, i good communication skills and booking appointments.
I am also excellent English skill.
I can work even on weekends, so please touch with me if you're looking for a reliable worker.
I have experience in sales, waiting staff and make drinks and look for job.
Concentrating on customer satisfaction, enjoyment and their personal needs.
I was arrange party and meeting meals.
Responsible for got order from guests.
Responsible for take care guests in the pool.

E-mail addresses
roadkillpuppy@domainname
Kingofprocrastination@domainname
im_a_nerd@domainname
bludger@domainname
booze_hag@domainname

Interests
Facing challenges
Love the party atmosphere. Love all of life’s recreational activates.

I had a letter from the Department of Immigration and Citizenship today

"Dear Bettina,

On behalf of the Government and people of Australia, I am delighted to advise that your application for Australian citizenship has been approved.

[...]

The final step in becoming an Australian citizen is the making of a Pledge of commitment. You will not be a citizen until you have made that pledge.

[...]

On behalf of the Government and all Australians I offer my warmest congratulations and best wishes for the years ahead."